The Gravity of Goodbye

Is there anything harder than goodbyes?

Now that I'm staring the end of Peace Corps in the face, the gravity of saying goodbye to the people I've grown to love is starting to weigh me down a bit.

The finality of this goodbye is heavier somehow than any other I've ever known. I had a dream the other day that resembled the Six Feet Under finale(if you haven't seen it you need to!) with Sia's "Breathe Me" playing in the background. Like Claire, I have no idea how to say goodbye to Tarnaveni and my friends here. Over the past week, my view of the town has changed...I don't call it home anymore because my heart is moving on, and I am sad.

Tonight, I spent the evening sitting around the Coman family kitchen table snacking on goodies (I taught them to make brownies) and playing Rummi like I've done so many times before. We laughed, told stories, and trash talked a little bit...I love them, but I can't deny how much I'm looking forward to doing the very same thing around my Grandma's kitchen table after Sunday dinner.

I guess that's just how it goes...pretty soon I'll be telling stories about my Romanian families to my family at home instead of the other way around.

Romania has given me priceless memories...
The journey was worth it.

You're searching...
For things that don't exist; I mean beginnings.
Ends and beginnings - there are no such things.
There are only middles.
~Robert Frost

"Never wake a child who dreams"

I'm a crier...anyone that knows me knows I have, at times, an overly sentimental heart.  I've lost track of the number of blurry-eyed walks home from school as I fought back tears.  Naturally, I thought that I'd be in tears as I said goodbye to students and colleagues...I wasn't.   It's not that I won't miss them dearly...I certainly will!  But like so many parts of my Peace Corps journey...what I expected to happen turns out differently.

I got through it all until a final moment with a second grade teacher, Luci, caught me off-guard.  She is the sweetest woman, and I love that she's gained the courage over the past two years to converse with me in English.  She's quite poetic, and as a parting gift she gave me a book of her 2nd graders poetry with a lovely personal message, from her, inscribed on the first page.

For Tara

Because she looks at the Earth with the child's eyes.
Because she is my new friend and I can talk with her in English much more than I can talk with my old friends in Romanian.
Because she would never wake a child who dreams.

I will miss you!

That's when I lost it.

We are green people now!

At my COS (Close of Service) Conference, my Country Director shared a story with my group and I to help us put our past two years into perspective.  The story she shared was about the life of a BLUE MAN and because it was so great I decided to use it to share my feelings about my time in Romania with my students and colleagues.

It goes like this,

Mr. Blue lived in a Blue land, in a blue house, on a blue street, and he drove a blue car.  He was married to Mrs. Blue, he had four blue kids, and he even had a blue dog.  Mr. Blue was very happy in Blue land at his blue job and with his blue friends, but one day Mr. Blue decided that he would like to try something new and visit Yellow land.

So Mr. Blue packed his blue suitcase and got on a blue plane and traveled to Yellow land.  There he met Mr. Yellow who lived in a yellow house, on a yellow street, and he drove a yellow car.  Mr Yellow invited Mr. Blue to his yellow house and introduced him to Mrs. Yellow and their 3 yellow kids and their big yellow dog.

Mr. Blue and Mr. Yellow spent time together and and realized that even though they were from different lands that they had a lot in common and a lot to share.  After two weeks of exploring Yellow land, it was time for Mr. Blue to return home.

So Mr. Blue packed up his blue suitcase and said goodbye to his Yellow friends and departed for blue land.  Mr. Blue was really happy to see his blue wife and his blue kids and to sleep in his blue bed.  Mr. Blue shared his experiences with his family telling them all about Mr. Yellow and his yellow family and he even cooked them a yellow meal.  Mr Blue realized that after his visit that although he loved his blue life he really enjoyed yellow things as well, and he felt different.  In fact, he began to look a little...green!

7C and I had a great time with this story.  When we finished, we all went around putting our paint fingerprints on papers that I'd written a message on for each of them. 

We ended up with paint and smiles on our faces...and we all said that we are GREEN PEOPLE now!!

Do what you love! --Thoreau

I LOVE BEING A TEACHER!!   Here is a reason why...

6C, after making me sign a contract promising I'll visit them in 2 years, reminded me today of how this amazing journey began.  Today, they each shared a memory from the beginning of our class...they all shared so many wonderful things, and I found out just how observant they are.  They know exactly what I do on days when I'm sick, angry, nervous, sad, happy...I nearly cried.  A few hugged my neck so tight I had to hold my breath.  A few, through tears, mustered all their strength to tell me they'll miss me. 

I am humbled.  I am blessed!   It is I that will miss them the most.  They didn't need to make me sign a contract to come back here...