This is the meeting that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on my friend...

Last night I sat in the most uncomfortable chair for 3 hours while my colleagues discussed discipline issues and gave each other compliments for merit. This is called the consiliu profesoral, and I didn't like it one bit. I was looking forward to this meeting because at all the previous meetings we had cake, cookies, and lots of beverage options.

My dreams were shattered after Hour 1.
After Hour 2 I was trying to plan ways to escape without others noticing, but then I realized my bag and coat were directly behind the director...my plan was foiled.
Approaching Hour 3 my resistance had been beaten out of me...

In my "American opinion" (as my colleagues like to say), there are about 15,234 different ways to do the same things in a more effective manner. The consiliu profesoral is a remnant of a different age...an awkward age you want to forget -- like when you're 12 and go to your first middle school dance.

The Soba of Death...NO MORE!!

I recently wrote about my Soba (gas heater) trying to kill me. It's been a month since I've had actual heat in my apartment, but I'm surviving thanks to my long-johns mom sent me!

I am proud to announce I HAVE HEAT!!

I knew I'd gain some skills in the Peace Corps, but I had no idea gas heater maintenance would be one of them. Oliver, Mihai, and I collaborated to fix "the Soba of Death!" Granted, I did the least, but I did help!! Although I don't want to live on a farm for a living or do maintenance repair, there is a great feeling of accomplishment when you get your hands dirty... although my sister would tell you I hate the veal barn...I'm more of a pig person.

I've always admired my dad because in my estimation he could fix about anything...
Thanks Dad for passing on just a little bit of your handyness (if that's even a word)!!

Feeling uncomfortable in Romania

The title of this blog may scare you a bit.
No I'm not questioning joining the Peace Corps or coming to Romania!

I have been here for a little over 9 months now. That the length of time it takes to have a child; it's also the length of time one must abstain from alcohol when taking freaking TB medication (not that I would know!). I think you get the point...it's a significant amount of time. During these past 9 months I've grown comfortable in my town and with traveling in Romania for the most part.

My Bad Day:
It started at 7 am when I woke up. I got ready, and caught the bus to Targu Mures at 8:15. I arrived at the autogara (bus station) and walked 10 minutes to the post office in order to pick up a package. When I arrived at the posta there were lots of people standing with angry looks on their faces. The man who checks off packages was late! So I had to sit for an hour while my package lay 5 feet away on the counter in front of my face. At 10:30 I finally got my package and headed to Kaufland to do a little shopping for items I can't find in my little town. Then I walked back to the autogara in order to catch my bus at 12 so I could be back for class at 2.

At the autogara there was a man playing that game with 3 cups and one ball...you know the one I'm talking about, it's even on Price is Right! I was minding my own business when a man came up and told me to choose one of the cups. I said I wasn't interested and most of the people moved on to the next person that was, except for one man. This man must have decided it was harrassment day because he wouldn't leave me alone. He blew in my ear (and not seductively I might add), he grabbed my butt numerous times, and he even asked if I wanted to get a hotel room. Obviously I told him to leave me alone and I'm not interested on multiple occasions.

What I learned from this experience:
I realized that I have let my guard down slowly over the past several months. The told us not to do this during PST, but it's a natural reaction once a person grows more comfortable in his/her surroundings. It's just one of those things. I'm upset that it happened, but I have to watch how I react to it. Don't get me wrong I know this happens all over the world, and I'm not trying to make this out to be a Romania problem because it's not. I understand that I'm a foreigner and a woman in a society different from my own, and I'm often unaware how much attention I draw to myself. I hope nothing like this happens again, but if it does I hope I'm a little more prepared.

A week of highs and lows

When I signed up for the Peace Corps, I knew life wouldn't be easy . In fact, John F. Kennedy told me so when he said,

"But if the life will not be easy, it will be rich and satisfying. For every young American who participates in the Peace Corps—who works in a foreign land—will know that he or she is sharing in the great common task of bringing to man that decent way of life which is the foundation of freedom and a condition of peace."

This week had incredible highs. My 25th birthday and the inauguration of the first black president in the United States were incredible moments I'll always remember. However, after the confetti had fallen and the champagne was gone I got back to the real adventures of a PCV. That's where the lows come into play. This week my counterpart was in Cluj to take care of some personal business so I got to see just how much I could do on my own! I taught all my classes combined which created difficulties in planning differentiated lesson plans, taught the retired ladies computer skills, taught classes I don't usually teach, taught defensive basketball skills to my 8th grade team, and I tutored a high school student and helped her prepare for applying to Oxford and Cambridge. With all the school stuff, I still managed to find a little time to begin my grant proposal and budget for a foreign language lab.

I felt immensley productive at the end of the week, but there is still something I'm struggling with. The low...is that I have trouble finding my purpose and effectiveness as Peace Corps Volunteer in the school stuff. I know I've said all this before, but it's a constant issue floating around in my head. Am I serving my community here in Romania to the best of my ability and based on their needs? During PST, we are told that we will have these moments, that every Peace Corps country comes with it's different challenges...Romania's just aren't easily visible or easily identified. I think of it as an iceburg country...most things are just under the surface. A PCV in Romania doesn't experience the same hardships that most people immediately imagine when they hear the words "Peace Corps," but that doesn't mean we don't face challenges. I'm doing my best for my community, but it's an uphill battle against pre-concieved notions about volunteerism, etc.

At least after weeks like this I know I worked hard and gave everything I had to serve others. If all else fails, I can look into the eyes of the students at school and see how much of an influence I can have; and though it may not have been easy that in itself is something, as JFK put it, rich and satisfying!

This week's inspiration: Luke 6

Inauguration Day!! Lets go President Obama!

It's inauguration day, and I'm one happy camper! I'm sure it's partly because I'm still in birthday-mode, but I'm thrilled and in awe of the historic moment in U.S. history that is happening today. It's different experiencing this in a foreign country...people congratulate me like I won the election. I think they [my Romanian colleagues] understand the importance of this event in America, and they want their belief in the American dream to once again be a reality. President Obama's ability to inspire the American people and even people in a small Transylvanian town is incredible. Although I, and even Obama himself, like to keep race out of the election discussion...Katharine Seelye of the New York Times described the significance better than I ever could:

“The inaugural itself will be at the Capitol, which was built by slaves who baked the bricks, sawed the timber and laid the stone for its foundation. When Mr. Obama delivers his inaugural address, he will be looking out across the National Mall, which was once a slave market, beyond the White House, also built by slaves, to the Lincoln Memorial, honoring the president who freed the slaves.”

It's important to remember President Obama can't solve all our nation's problems...we all must work together and maybe even sacrifice a little to create a better future for the United States. Here is to hoping we can all do that! As President Obama said,

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

A little piece of my favorite inaugural address which still inspires me even after Dr. Bigham made me dissect it line by line. [Lincoln's 2nd in 1864]

“With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds...to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.’’

I celebrated the historic moment with homemade pizza, Romanian cakes, and champagne... Then I learned how to play canasta! Not a bad day's work!!

The Quarter Life Crisis??

Happy Birthday to me!!
Whoa! I'm 25!! How in the heck did I get here??

A few days ago I sat on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night pondering things. Afterward, I wrote this long, existential rant on my quarter-life crisis; then I realized that you would not be interested in the ramblings of a 25 year old that has freedom to do anything she chooses. Sure I had this plan for myself, and all these thoughts about where I'd be when I turned 25...needless to say being in a small, Transylvanian town in Romania was not part of my plans, but I love it! Furthermore, I've been in the midst of that "crisis" for a while now; I joined the Peace Corps to avoid the soul-crushing real world and to put off making some tough decisions about a career, saving for retirement....blah blah blah.

My birthday has been riddled by a series of the kindest and most generous gestures... My colleagues overwhelmed, and I mean overwhelmed, me with kisses on my cheeks, my hands, my forehead (I prepared myself for this in advance, but I'm still not used to all the affection. I like my 3 feet of personal space!) They had a nice spread of cozonac (sweet bread/cake with chocolate swirl), coffee, and cookies laid out in the cancelerie. The all sang me happy birthday in English, Romanian, and a few in Hungarian...and then they handed me a card with 200 RON to go shopping! Two-hundred RON/LEI may not seem like a lot to them or you (it's about $65), but it's a heck of a lot to a poor Peace Corps Volunteer in the depths of winter. My students made me cards, and brought me flowers and caramels (they know I don't like chocolate!). That's just at school! I've already had a birthday dinner with Monica, my counterpart. She made me my favorite Romanian foods and bought me a pashmiina!! Tonight I have another birthday dinner with some friends, and then tomorrow I'm celebrating the inauguration and my birthday with friends by making homemade pizza.

Overall my 25th birthday, my first birthday in Romania, has been just another example of the generous spirit of Romanians; and also of just how much I love Tarnaveni!

My soba (heater) is trying to kill me!

What an interesting morning I had; I'm lucky I'm still alive! The last day of me being 24 is shaping up to be memorable, and I've never been so thrilled to know that I'm going to make it to 25! Last night, while celebrating a 6th grader's birthday until midnight...I was discussing the lack of heat in my apartment with the brother of a friend. Long story short, he said he'd come over this morning to check it out and help! "Great!" I said. Big mistake!!

Here is the SOBA in question. [The casing is upside down, the pipe leading outside is too small, and the turbine pumps gas back into the apartment.]

It's an interesting contraption...and I just found out it is both illegal and capable of killing me. I'm not interested in trying my luck with either. The man I had come check on it said he would have to report it if it were anyone else...so I'm thankful for my "psuedo-celebrity status" here in Tarnaveni for the timebeing!! Here is to hoping that the Romanian gas police don't bust into my apartment and fine me for something I had no part in, and that my landlady cares about me enough to help me legally/safely heat my apartment!

Funny moments in Tarnaveni

Just a quick note today. It's Wednesday so I went to school at 10, had a break, and then had two more classes. During my break two, young colleagues Natalia and Geta started singing. The teacher's lounge (cancelaria) is a crazy place so this is nothing new. These people may look serious, but I'm telling you they are all hilarious! Somehow the singing escalated into the Married With Children theme song..."Love and marriage, Love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage..." Funny!

Later, after classes I'm standing in line at the market behind a man that had a coat on with Leonardo Dicaprio's face on the back. This alone I find to be humurous, but after closer inspection I discovered that along with the picture it also said, "TITANIC: This is a greatest love story of all time." Not grammatically correct, but I doubt he even speaks English. These two things gave me a laugh today. I hope that your day at least puts a smile on your face!

Back from the Posta w/ peach tea and gingersnaps!!

I just ran to Targu Mures for a couple hours to pick up a package!! I got peach tea and gingersnaps and could not be more excited!! I'm pretty easy to please I guess! I love everything in the package, but I love even more that there is a personal significance to it! Little pieces of home make me happy!
Thank you Terri Worden!!! I love you!

On another note, while I was at the post office there was an older woman with a big package. She was struggling so I asked her if she needed help. I helped her tie down her package to her little cart contraption, and she was on her way after pinching my cheeks and saying "Multumesc draguta" (Thank you dear) over and over and telling me how cute I am. I'm starting to get used to all this affection from strangers...but every now and then I still recoil which is inevitably followed by a comment about me being American and needing personal space. Oh well!

Anyway, I'm not telling you this to show how wonderful and helpful I am...I'm saying this because yesterday I was the opposite. There were two, separate instances yesterday when I could have dropped what I was doing to help others, and I didn't. One woman just needed 20 bani (cents) and the other lady was worked up over something in the post office in Tarnaveni. In the first situation another woman beat me to the punch, but it's the second situation that kept me up last night. The woman was obviously upset, and I'll never know if I could have done something for her because I let my fear and insecurity with my Romanian hold me back. I feel horrible about it, but I'm very cognizant of how I'm perceived here. People are reluctant to ask for help in my town anyway...I don't want to throw around money during an economic crisis or act like I have all the answers. I just want to help people. I'll just have to keep doing my best and take each situation as it comes...

New Blog Title

The new title I have attached to my blog may seem a little odd to some. In the lonely times, here, I often turn to reading the Bible and researching history; neither of those things should come as a surprise. The title is a quote from Abigail Adams (2nd First Lady of the United States), a woman I've grown to admire and respect through my recent studies; the historian/historiographer in me can't let it go without some form of citation. She used her pen to share her experiences, and like Abigail Adams I find that my "pen is always freer than my tongue."

Thanks for checking out my blog...I hope it's easy to read and at the very least informative.

Where do I think I'm the most effective??

My last post was a bit of a downer so I thought I'd maybe add a little perspective as to why it was that way. I was having a conversation today with Liz, a fellow volunteer and my person on Peer Support (a group of volunteers PCV's vote for that are always available to listen and give advice). To be quite honest, I think it's a great idea and all, but I talked to Liz because she's a friend (and we share a common bond--IU!) not because she's "Peer Support." Anyway, we were chatting about effectiveness and how we feel a little unsuccessful thus far in our Peace Corps service and of course the infamous chart that measures typical PCV mentality throughout service. HA! She shared a question Ken, our country director, presented to her...

Where do you see yourself being the most effective?

It seems so basic, but I've never really thought about where I see myself being effective. I had tunnel-vision about what I thought a Peace Corps Volunteer should be, and I was giving everything I had to fit the mold. Why did I do that?? I've never seen myself as a person that did that sort of thing, but I guess I do in some ways. However, that's a conversation for a different time and place. I'm the happiest and the most effective when I'm in the classroom and when I'm playing sports with the kids. So my new goal, on top of the foreign language lab, is to get an intramural sports program started up in my town. Starting with my school, and then opening it up to anyone who would like to participate. We'll see what happens, but I think it's important to get kids away from the tv/computer. In order to do that they need something to do!! I was blessed growing up to have been part of teams and after-school programs...these do not exist in Romania apart from a few volleyball, basketball, football teams. So I guess I'm out of my little rutt (Sp? one T or two?). I might fail, but this is where I see myself being effective and worthwhile so I have to give it a solid effort.


Just a little add-on. I've been initiated into a club of older, retired ladies. I adore them, and they remind me of the club my Grandma has back home. I had lunch with them today, and they send their regards and best wishes for the New Year to my family and friends who must miss me prodigiously! They already know how much I miss you because they could see it on my face when the dessert was brought out--cut up oranges, bananas, and pineapple...one of my simple favorites back home.

2009--Eating pork on New Years Day =moving forward??

Apparently it is customary here to eat pork on New Year's Day because pigs' snouts dig forward in the dirt. I've been around pigs my whole life, but it took coming to Romania to think about this. Dad--I thought you'd like that! For the rest of you--Yeah I don't get it either, but it made me really think about whether or not I'm making any forward progress of my own here.

I realized the other day that my blogging has been largely, maybe even unilaterally, positive. Even some fellow volunteers have made comments about my optimism and positive attitude...I don't see myself this way. So instead of just being shiny, happy Tara...I'm going to be honest. I was told that this part of Peace Corps is often a low-point for volunteers because it's difficult to gauge any progress or impact. That's where I am. The new year brings all my goals and objectives for service to the forefront of my thoughts, and right now I just feel like a failure. In the soft light of early morning or the quiet stillness of night...I struggle with the realities of being a Peace Corps volunteer. I don't want to look back on my time here in Tarnaveni, and think of all the things I could have done...even if I fail I want to have tried.

Don't feel bad for me. I knew there would be these moments. What I always come back to is my teaching philosophy...if I've made an impact on even one student/Romanian my Peace Corps service will have been a success, and they've already made a significant impact on me.